Category Archives: Humor

I dedicate this post to: Cheese… yes I have stooped to this level

What would be your death row meal? That’s an odd question for me to ask you because I imagine you’re quite a lovely person… and don’t kill people… BUT, let’s pretend you do…okay back to my point. If you were a bad person, what would you want your last meal to be?

I find myself drawn to thinking these things, not because I’m weird (okay, maybe I’m a little weird), as a way to procrastinate, which I’m quite good at if you haven’t noticed yet. Its kind of fun to think about all the different options you could choose from, like steak or lobster or something cool like that. However, I’m not sure why but I’m pretty sure mine would consist of a bowl of macaroni loaded with oozy, melted, cheesy goodness.

I honestly never ate or liked cheese as a kid. A: my dad was allergic, and B: the only cheese my mom would ever eat was foul smelling blue cheese (YUCK!) So you see how, naturally, I was skeptical.

Despite the fact that I looked at cheese with disgust, and wouldn’t even touch it, if someone put a bowl of mac and cheese in front of me, I would easily find room in my stomach to eat at least 2 of 3 bowls… I now realize why I was a chubster.

Kraft mac and cheese was my favorite. Since I had no real knowledge about any other cheese: one time my grandma made me homemade pasta and cheese and, as I’ve been repeatedly told by family members, as soon as she put it in front of me, I refused to eat it because it was white and not orange… I’m horrible, I know. But, what can I say… I loved that fake, processed, orange stuff.

My ways have since changed and I’ve moved on from that blue box, but macaroni and cheese will forever be one of the greatest comfort foods EVER. It doesn’t matter if you’re 5 or 50, this creamy and cheesy dish will always put a smile on your face, or put you in a food coma… either way I’m happy.7268414266_6ec8e93925_z

I’ve had many different recipes, but let me just tell you something: Panera Bread’s macaroni and cheese is thick, creamy and loaded with white cheddar and American cheese, making it the best thing I’ve seriously ever had (I could add more words to that, but I’m just not sure I can describe how awesomely amazing it is, you just have to try it for yourself). That mixed with the open shell pasta they use, which captures the cheese within it so that each bite is full of yummy amazingness.

I think I’ve used the word cheese wayyy too many times… so I’m just going to stop here.

8 Signs She’s Just Not That Into You

In the game of romance, few things are black and white. Subtlety, insinuations and suggestions are at the heart of the chasing game.

You’ve already memorized the signs to see if she’s flirting, but a lot of men don’t understand the signs that she’s not interested. For one reason or another, many women will not come outright and tell a man that they are simply not into them. If, after reading this, you find these scenarios pertain to you, cut your losses and move on.

8. She invites people over:

In other words, there’s little to no chance she’ll be spending any alone time with you. This is your red card, so kindly excuse yourself.

7. She highlights how busy she is:

This is probably the most classic subtle sign of all: her life is just too hectic to emotionally invest herself in you.

6. She pays more attention to other men in a group setting:

In this scenario, she invites you back to her place at the end of the night and she spends more time talking to another guy. Not only is she willing to risk losing you to another girl, but she also doesn’t really care about appearing rude. Sure, she may run back to you when it’s time to sleep, but it’s clear that her heart isn’t in it, especially if she won’t even try to get close to you in bed.

5. She hasn’t come near you:

Whether it’s by conscious decision or not, if she hasn’t made any sort of physical contact with you, such as a brush on the arm or a pat on the thigh, she may have already counted you out of the race. It is said that women generally know within the first few minutes of meeting a man whether they’ll play the game with him. If there is no incidental contact, unless dancing in a public setting, the chemistry’s probably not there, she knows it, and she has put you in the FRIEND ZONE.

4. She talks about other men:

This can take many forms, so stay alert. She may say she has a lot of guy friends and does activities with them a woman would normally do with her boyfriend, like invite them to stay over or spend the day out together. This shows that she likes the company of men as friends, which is what she might very well label you.

3. She avoids intimate settings:

There’s a huge difference between a quiet dinner for two and inviting you to lunch with her and her friends. This might mean she doesn’t want you to get the impression that your friendship is leading anywhere, so take this advice for what it’s worth: it’s one of her signs she’s not interested.

2. She’s not talkative:

Dating guides will tell you the same thing: women love to talk, so let them. If, however, she limits her answers to ‘yes’ and ‘no,’ never bothering to elaborate, you have a flat liner. Likewise, if she doesn’t ask you questions, doesn’t attempt to extent the conversation, or appears inattentive while talking to you, she is showing no interest in what you have to say.

1. She avoids eye contact:

This is an obvious sign that many men overlook. If she is attracted to you, she will naturally want to be close to you and make eye contact. If she is evading your gaze, however, she may be consciously trying to avoid leading you on than having to turn you down later. It’s a sneaky little trick, but it usually works. Take it as a sign that you’re not her type.

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I know from experience that an unreciprocated crush can be a big blow to one’s self-esteem. So do yourself a favor and don’t prolong the inevitable. If you’ve noticed she has exhibited more than three of these signs, listen carefully, because it’s never going to happen. Repeat this mantra to yourself until it sticks: She’s just not that into you.

21 Cute Animals To Relieve Your Exam Stress

Taken from MyAms blog

Exams are stressful, so we’ve put together a collection of cute animal photos & videos to relieve some stress! From cats, to dogs, to otters, here are some adorable stress-relief photos for you to enjoy & share.

1. Christmas Pups

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2. A baby sloth, with a new best friend

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3. Cat (probably) surfing Facebook

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4. Baby bulldog trying to walk

5. Happy baby

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6. Cat sad that you can’t focus

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7. Best of friends

kisses-cat8. Baby meets puppy for the first time

9. Cats, trying to find a seat 

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10. Getting ready for Hurricane Sandy

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11. Elephant bath

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12. This puppy might like car windows

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13. Dogs that want to be a Christmas tree

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14. Wrinkles. Wrinkles everywhere.

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15. Baby elephant at the beach

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16. Pandas trying to climb a slide

17. Best of friends

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18. Hat trick

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19. Newborn Gorilla

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20. Otters!

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21. This crazy sheep

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Thanksgiving…

 

 

America, what a great country. Honestly we have so many great traditions and holidays and what could be more symbolic of our culture than millions of people coming together with their families for one day to stuff their bloated faces and stomachs with greasy flesh torn from the bones of innocent turkeys to feed greedy Americans… okay maybe that’s going a little too far. But Thanksgiving is one of those holidays where we spend hours cooking and for what? To cook the turkey until its dry, burn something or heck, I dunno, even drop a whole dish on the ground. Thanksgiving madness, its totally a thing.

My family takes the preparation of it way too seriously when we know that at the end of the night we are just going to pour a ton of gravy over everything… that’s what its there for though right? Thanksgiving is supposed to involve family, lots of wine, laughs, WAY too many cooks in the kitchen… and an occasional turkey hat purchased last minute from Target.

Reasons Why I Love Black Friday

There’s nothing like feeling that great sense of satisfaction for being first in line, on a Wednesday night, for the Black Friday sales. In a little over a week it will be Black Friday, which means it’s time to break out that camping gear. It is seriously my favorite time of the season. Honestly, drinking hot chocolate from a thermos while camping outside of Best Buy in below freezing temperatures is THE BEST. I mean you really just meet the nicest people as you shove your way to the front as soon as the doors finally unlock. Oh and don’t even get me started on the amount of exercise you get as you run to get your hands on that last present, that only really saved you $10… Whoa talk about dedication. The fact that there are people in the world who do not share my love and enthusiasm for Black Friday is beyond me. However, in the off chance that you will need me on Wednesday night, I’ll be the one camping outside on the mall’s public sidewalk, where people have walked, spit and done other disgusting things. Hope to see you there!

This Ketchup To Fry Ratio Is A Serious Problem

Fast food is like crack-once you put that first fry into your mouth all hell breaks loose. There is no stopping that food baby that is about to grow from one week to 9 months in, lets be honest here, a span of minutes. Whether you enjoy that creepy dude Jack in the Box’s curly fries or Mickey D’s hot and crunchy fries that are really only good for one second, there comes a moment in everyone’s life when they must try P. Terry’s.

If I could eat P. Terry’s everyday, I would; however, loading my body with several tons of shoe string fries is not in my best interest. Now, normally I speed through a fast food restaurant-if I can I even call it that-as fast as I can, while covering my surroundings with my peripherals, to make sure no one I possibly know sees me. However, when it comes to P. Terry’s I make sure to get the whole shabang for my buck.

We all know that one moment when we finish our sauce only to realize we still have ¾ of our fries left. I mean it almost ruins the whole point of consuming the 10:1 oil to actual food ratio. It worries me so much that I make sure to ask for EXTRA fist fulls of sauce just to be safe, because you never know how many times you will want to double dip. I have perfected this art, since P. Terry’s is always stingy with their sauce, to the point where my kitchen drawer is now a black hole for unopened ketchup packets because I can never actually offer them to the public. As for me, opening that drawer at 2 am after a long night is like waking up on Christmas morning… only to ketchup…

 

Once Upon A Time A Dog and Cat Were Friends… I Wish

 

This pretty much sums up the relationship between my dog and my roommate’s cat.

DAY 752 – My captors continue to taunt me with bizarre little dangling objects. They dine lavishly on fresh meat, while I am forced to eat dry cereal. The only thing that keeps me going is the hope of escape, and the mild satisfaction I get from ruining the occasional piece of furniture. Tomorrow I may eat another houseplant.

DAY 761 – Today my attempt to kill my captors by weaving around their feet while they were walking almost succeeded, must try this at the top of the stairs. In an attempt to disgust and repulse these vile oppressors, I once again induced myself to vomit on their favorite chair…must try this on their bed.

DAY 774 – I am convinced the other captives are flunkies and maybe snitches. The dog is routinely released and seems more than happy to return. He is obviously a half-wit. The Bird on the other hand has got to be an informant. He has mastered their frightful tongue (something akin to mole speak) and speaks with them regularly. I am certain he reports my every move. Due to his current placement in the metal room his safety is assured. But I can wait. It is only a matter of time.

 

I can only hope Lil (the cat) will one day love Darla (the dog) as much as she loves her.

 

If they were to ever have an actual conversation I feel it would go something like this:

The Naked Cowboy

I get it, New York is a great place and all, but I was personally insulted when I was on Mashable earlier today and came across an article titled “10 people you’ll only see in NYC”. The main picture caught my attention as I thought to myself, “I’ve definitely seen that man before… and NOT in NYC.”

If you’ve ever been to 6th street in Austin, you are familiar with the “naked cowboy”. I’m pretty sure he is there every night and is almost always up for a picture, all while he serenades the drunkards on “dirty 6th”. Personally, I don’t think New York’s naked cowboy stands a chance with Austin’s. Let’s just take a look at these two pictures:

Austin’s Naked Cowboy

NYC’s naked cowboy

1: Clearly Austin’s naked cowboy is representing the United States way better than NYC’s.

2: Cowboy boots simply look better in Texas

3: So, I really can’t come up with any other reason ours is better, he just is… (You’ll get this if you live in Texas).

My Attempt At A Newer/Healthier Me

Situation:

I had a rough weekend to say the least. It was a low point for me where I just wallowed in self-pity for absolutely no reason at all. As you can imagine I felt pretty gross after this.

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What my weekend consisted of pretty much…

3 am: Woke up and proceeded to watch TV while I got the motivation to get up.

4 am: Went to work out… this was a first for me in a long time.

5:30 am: Took a shower and washed my dog… I now look like someone attacked me. Remind me to get her nails clipped.

6 am: Did my hair.

7 am: Went to get coffee and went tanning (I now have a burn…)

8 am: Hung out with my roommates for a bit before I left for school.

9-11:45 ish: Wrote lists as a way of procrastinating… I’m really good at it.

12-12:30 pm: Had a meeting with my advisor and proceeded to plan the rest of my year and a half of College… got a little depressed at the fact that its going by so fast

12:34 pm: Ran into my professor whose wife is my advisor. He asked me if I would be able to babysit his kids starting this spring because apparently I can’t while he is my professor… I’ve never actually had a professor who likes me * yay *. He also told me I have a 97 in his class… how you may ask… not really sure… but made my day a little better.

1-2 pm: Attempted to do homework… ran into friends and talked with them instead.

2:30 pm: Well this is where I’m at now… not really sure the point of this post, I think I’m just using this as a way to make more lists… just saving paper…

I’m now at work sitting in my boss’ chair, because she is not here, and I feel really cool and all adult-like. Okay, I’m just rambling now, so I’m going to get to the point of this whole thing before I bore myself to death.

How it turned out:

Decided today is the start to a new/healthier self.

I am now deciding that I am motivated to start this whole working out and living/eating right thing. You know, something normal people should do on a daily basis but I am only now proceeding to do it.

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This summer I downloaded the MyFitnessPal app on my phone, because I had one of these moments then too, but never actually went through with it. So I am now making myself motivated enough to try this whole “healthy living” thing out, to see if it improves the way I feel about life and myself in general. I really like it because you can log daily exercises and what you eat and for the most part they have nutritional facts on pretty much everything. I’ve logged food before and it really keeps you motivated to stay on track, and they make it really fun… I’m probably making this sound really boring but it’s actually awesome… it’s the perfect hobby for a blogger. I find that it is good to have someone to do this with you as a way to stay motivated and on track, so my roommate and I are going to do this together. I know I might sound like I’m a depressed and sad person, but I’m really not. I just think I’m in a weird funk; therefore, I’m writing about it.

Airplane Windows that Don’t Open…A Real Problem…

I’m not one to go into an election with a preset notion about which side I’m for or against. I would rather see what both parties have to offer and then make my final decision. Mitt Romney has, much like Sarah Palin, been ridiculed for many things he has said. I get so mad because he just makes it so frustratingly hard to not laugh at some of things he says. I mean… I’m sure he’s a nice guy and all, and would make a great president, but come on… GIVE ME SOMETHING…. Semi-smart… so I don’t think you’re a complete idiot.

Okay, so maybe I’m being a little harsh… I say a lot of ridiculous things that I wouldn’t want people to take me seriously from… but then again, I’m not running for presidency. I mean maybe he is just joking… in a weird way that really no one understands except him…  I’ll let you decide for yourself…

“When you have a fire in an aircraft, there’s no place to go, exactly, there’s no — and you can’t find any oxygen from outside the aircraft to get in the aircraft, because the windows don’t open. I don’t know why they don’t do that. It’s a real problem.” – Mitt Romney

After watching this video, however, I realized that much of what he said here, as well as the tone of his voice, makes me realize that he is, in fact, joking… I think? Reading what Mr. Romney said and listening to it, are two different things. I find that this happens a lot these days when it comes to social media or texting/emailing. Someone who doesn’t know you may not know the tone you are trying to use.

I think the problems with presidential elections are that A: the media over exaggerates everything and will do anything to find a way to make you look bad; and B: you never know if what you say will be taken in the wrong way or out of context. Its almost as if this whole thing is a total joke… Like maybe they should just wear paper bags over their heads or put duct tape on their mouths any time they are in public…

Really… then again… maybe I’m wrong and he is being serious. I doubt he would joke about his wife being in a plane accident… either way; the mockery on the Internet has been quite entertaining because of it…

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